i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
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