Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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