Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Randomize
