I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
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