I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
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