doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Randomize
