Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Randomize
