I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
