I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
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