but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
