Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
