He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
