a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
