Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
