WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
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