I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
