I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
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