I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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