I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
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