Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Holy sore nipples Batman
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
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