he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
