I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
She told me I should be a condom model.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
