ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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