All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
tell me about the eggs
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
