What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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