If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
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