Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Who died my cat blue again?
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
