You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Randomize
