Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
