I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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