This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Come back. Shots need mouths.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize
