I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
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