Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
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