So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
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