i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
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