And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
