I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Randomize
