i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Randomize
