why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
