I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
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