you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Randomize
