Christians are straight up FREAKS
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Sorry my hands just texted you
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Randomize
