Already got asked if we're dating
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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