420 ftw
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
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