you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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