she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
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