end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
