WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
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