just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
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