I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Randomize
