I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
