When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Randomize