Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
Randomize
