Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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