those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
