if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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