was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Randomize
