I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
