i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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