I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Randomize
