she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Randomize
