Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
