my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Randomize