Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
