when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Randomize
