If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
