what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
